The Sensuality Lure, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex carries enormous meaning and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).

B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to very hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of destination, excitement, nearness, love, and well-being .

But when problems index emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that numerous of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sex. If a prospective partner you can try here is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay males want to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

However, North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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